At the end of my first semester in the Propel Program, I cried. And no, I don't mean that I shed a single romanticized tear, or welled up with mist at the thought of leaving. I mean that on the last day of my time in the program I bawled my eyes out. Now, I'm sure that I could probably just blame this on the fact that I am an over emotional teenager with a fear of goodbyes and call it a day. But that wouldn't reflect the amount of time I have spent analyzing my experiences in Propel. It wouldn't account for how grateful I was to be involved in the program in the first place, or how ecstatic I was when I was offered the chance to come back.
Once we had returned to 'regular school' last year, there was not a single day that went by wherein I did not think about Propel. I found myself constantly wishing for the freedom that my experience had offered, and missing the company filled environment of the classroom. When returning to a formal high school setting, I was immediately struck by the feeling that I didn't belong. Everything at Glenlawn was the same as I had left it. All of my friends were the same, my teachers gave the same style of work, and I was treated similarly to before I had left. It quickly became overwhelmingly clear that the difference...was me.
It's a very strange feeling to see such a change in yourself. Usually we aren't able to identify our growth with such ease. We don't notice the changes because they happen gradually. It's like when your relatives have a baby and you haven't seen them for several months. All of a sudden this should-be child burrito is crawling around babbling about Paw Patrols, and their parents have seemed to develop some form of super powers. I had grown so much in Propel, that I couldn't help but feel the contrast between an old place, and a new me.
All of this -as difficult as it may seem- was an amazing process. It was like a switch had gone off in my head. I was social and sure around my peers, I was organised and less pressed for time, I was able to emulate the skills I had learned in Propel into my regular classes, and for the first time in my entire high school career - I was confident.
It's a very strange feeling to see such a change in yourself. Usually we aren't able to identify our growth with such ease. We don't notice the changes because they happen gradually. It's like when your relatives have a baby and you haven't seen them for several months. All of a sudden this should-be child burrito is crawling around babbling about Paw Patrols, and their parents have seemed to develop some form of super powers. I had grown so much in Propel, that I couldn't help but feel the contrast between an old place, and a new me.
All of this -as difficult as it may seem- was an amazing process. It was like a switch had gone off in my head. I was social and sure around my peers, I was organised and less pressed for time, I was able to emulate the skills I had learned in Propel into my regular classes, and for the first time in my entire high school career - I was confident.